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Saturday, October 15, 2011

Struggles

So right after I wrote my last post, I had two hard days.  Wednesday and Thursday were really tough, I felt soooo hungry.  I had a rumbly-tumbly all day and was watching the clock for meal times.  I'm really glad I'm out here visiting with my sister because I don't think I would have had the will power at home to really stick to this.  Well, I hope I would have but I know being here is helping huge amounts. 


One nice little torture I never noticed before is how many food commercials there are on TV!  And if it's not even for food they still often feature food!  I'm dreaming about food now too.  I am naturally a vivid dreamer and most of my dreams are unsettling, not exactly nightmares (though I get plenty of those) but just uncomfortable.  I don't ever have pleasant dreams.  So I had a dream that a nurse showed up at the house and told me I could eat rice pudding now, even had some with her.  So I ate it, then I knew it wasn't true I shouldn't have had it and I went looking through my book which details all the various eating stages of this process and of course found out I was right and then I was all mad and anxious that I'd eaten the rice pudding.  I don't know why I even dreamt about rice pudding; I haven't eaten it for years!



Last night I dreamt about an overweight couple who were so large they hardly ever got out of bed.  They *could* get out but hardly did as it was so awkward to get out.  The wife was my friend and I was so distressed for her.  I wanted her to get up, go see a Dr. and get into some sort of program to loose the weight.  I don't know what I looked like in the dream but I was eating the whole time.  At least it was healthily; I vaguely remember toast, bananas, rice cakes ....



Anyway, yesterday was easier to get through.  The hunger pains went away, though I do wake up *really* ready for my breakfast shake.  Some good news is that my bras and underwear are all too big for me now; my wedding ring also slides easily off my finger now where before it was a little snug.  I'll have to start wearing the ring on a chain at some point until I'm stable enough to get it resized.  I'm not buying new underwear until I'm eating food again, same goes with the bras but I have a few old ones at the back of my drawer at home. 



Will report in again just before I leave to go back home on the 25th, unless any further developments arise that I need to vent.